“What’s the most surprising thing you learned in your first year of marriage?”
The question was posed to me while I sat among friends around a large dinner table, laughing and celebrating the birthday of another dear friend.
The question momentarily took me back. Like those time-warp flashbacks in cartoons where silence instantly drowns out all the noise and the main character’s eyes cross and the world zooms at hyper speed into one single, defining moment and answer.
I didn’t hesitate.
“How easy it is has been.”
My friend’s eyebrows shot restaurant-roof high and she leaned back in her chair, while the friend at my left leaned in closer, her attention swiftly captured.
“Well, that’s not something you usually hear.” The first friend commented.
I smiled, yet holding my breath slightly, waiting for her to admonish me and tell me I had my head in the clouds and stars in my eyes.
After all, we’re only still “in the honeymoon phase” so thus we can only see life through rose-colored glasses.
Instead, my friend leaned in, grin dimpling her cheeks and her eyes sparking with an untold secret: “It only gets better.”
What a gift these friends gave me. Women both married 20+ years, with legacies of I can either see and love my husband just like I did when I was dating–as the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Or I can see and be annoyed by all his quirks and habits that I might not agree with. commitment behind and still to unfold before them.
The first year of marriage has been such an amazing gift. It was not without it’s challenges, yet when seen through the lense of the few things God taught me in this first year, the challenges become backseat passengers to the real joy of marriage.
1): The “Honeymoon Phase” Lasts As Long As You Want It To.
It’s a choice. I can either see and love my husband just like I did when we dated–as the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Or I can see and be annoyed by all his quirks and habits that I might not agree with. This doesn’t mean overlooking and brushing under the rug the things that truly matter, but it puts into perspective the things that don’t. Which leads to:
2): Daily Choosing to Love Sacrificially.
I can be bothered and annoyed by all the little things: I don’t like how he puts the wet, clean dishes on the counter. Or how his hair gets in. all. the. 
things. Or that there is always a little pile of clothes on the floor next to our bed. But those are such petty things to be annoyed at. The dishes? Remind me that my husband loves me and doesn’t like to see me doing all the housework by myself. An amazing gift. The hair? You see it because it’s dark, um…mine just knows the art of camouflage and is everywhere too. The clothes? A reminder that God gave me the greatest desire of my heart in this man who loves me so very, very well. A man I get to do life with every single day.
3): God Really Wasn’t Making Up How Awesome Marriage Is.
In the context of His word and ordination, waiting on His very best (and oh believe me, He gave me the best of the best!) is worth every single minute of being single. He wasn’t kidding: marriage is the best gift.
4): Doing Life with Your Best Friend is Like One Endless Sleepover.
I still get excited (yes, a year later) when I realize that I don’t have to be taken to a different home and sleep in a different bed at the end of our little dates and outings. Even something as simple as running errands together takes on a new adventure and pleasure because I get to share it with someone I love.
5): Marriage Doesn’t End at Year One: A Lifetime Awaits
The length of “lifetime” hit me several times during our first year of marriage–and all truly in the best ways. Imagining growing old with one person for the rest of your life–to know them better and better and to share in all things as a couple is an adventure that is so exciting to ponder. It means the hard and the difficult. Of putting more weight than you thought you would have to behind the vows you spoke on that idyllic day. But it also means glorying in every good and perfect and wonderful thing that God bestows upon us.
In summary:
I’m not so naive to think that hard years won’t follow good ones or that hard won’t be found in the middle of the good (we had our share this year too).
Hard is inevitable.
What’s not inevitable? How to deal with it. How we love each other well. How we lean into God and trust that better is only ever still ahead. Today, today is the best day of my marriage. Today I love my husband more. Today I choose to live my vows out deeper than I did yesterday.
Because tomorrow, oh but tomorrow, dear heart is this ever reaching promise:
It only gets better.
And what a glorious adventure it is.
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